A letter to you:

I'm sorry... I don't know what can I say other than sorry. It's stupid to say it, I know, when appologizing doesn't even work anymore, but I just want to let you know, I'm sorry...

3rd of April, you finally asked what happened between us. I told you we just drifted apart. It was my fault, I know, that I merely choose my career and studies above everything else. I was selfish, I know, but I was born power-hungry, a workaholic, and I preffered being alone more than anything else. I couldn't change no matter how much I wanted to. Above everything else, I craved for attention and excitement. But don't get the wrong idea, you still managed to let me feel that you are the best...

I cried... you cried... we both cried... when we realized the only thing left was to go seperate ways. You ask for other options, but I know, if we drag it along, one day, when I'm busy again, it will still be the same. And you know it too... you ask me to harden my heart and leave...

Finally, seperated... I thought I'd gotten what I wanted, freedom... But it turned out, I miss you... I miss your messages... I miss your smile... I miss our bickering... I miss what I had lost...

You promised we would stay friends, that the next day you and I will act as if nothing had happened. But why? Why do you avoided me then? Why do I stay quiet all day? Why had we changed when we had a promise not to?

I kept looking at my phone, hoping you would call, hoping against hope when I know that all hope is gone... I finally realized, that I have never really appreciated you, until now, but you have moved on, and I can't chase back what I've lost...

I know with a simple call, a simple message, we would both join hands and walk the path so dark, lighten because another is near, but my pride would not allow me to. I forced myself to smile, laugh, and act when there is light; to sleep, fight the urge to cry, and the dreams of ours at night. I listened to sad songs, suddenly so melodious to my ears, when it sang so closely related to my position now, it might have been written for me instead. And I wonder, were you doing the same thing?...

I wanted to tell you that I still missed you, that the magic is still here, that we could have keep on, but I fear what would happen again when I decided to pick myself instead of us, so i deny, even when you ask me again... You do not know how much tears I shed...

This letter, will never be read by you... Goodbye, my love... I'm sorry...